Validation and self respect - Reflections
Seeking validation is a journey marked by self-reflection, self-love, and self-respect
It’s Human Nature…
Oprah has often spoken about the human inclination to seek validation. She reflects on an interview with the president of the United States, when the moment the camera cut and the interview ended, he asked, "Was that okay?"
This instance confirmed in her mind that even the most powerful of people have a need to seek validation. It is, after all, an inherent part of our nature.
From a young age, we yearn to be seen, heard, and valued. It’s about our existence making a ripple in the vast ocean of life. It’s not about ego or vanity but a deep-rooted desire to matter, to make a difference, to leave a mark… our mark.
Neuroscience behind validation
Neurons that fire together, wire together
As we delve deeper into the realms of neuroscience, we uncover the intricate networks and regions of the brain that play pivotal roles in our pursuit of validation.
Amygdala: The Emotional Centre
The amygdala, plays a pivotal role in processing emotions, especially fear and pleasure. It is here that our longing for validation is intertwined with our emotional responses, driving us to seek approval as a source of pleasure and to avoid rejection as a form of emotional pain.
Ventral Striatum: The Reward Centre
The ventral striatum is crucial in the brain's reward system. It releases dopamine, the ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitter, when we receive positive reinforcement or approval, reinforcing our behaviours and motivating us to seek (even) more validation.
Social Cognitive Networks: The Empathy Builder
Our brain’s social cognitive networks, involving regions like the medial prefrontal cortex and the temporoparietal junction, enable us to understand others' perspectives and emotions, fostering empathy and social bonding. These networks are activated when we perceive others' approval or disapproval, influencing our sense of self-worth and belonging.
Given our understanding of the profound impact of social cognitive networks on our sense of belonging and self-worth, it begs the question: does our quest for validation originate from a place of low self-esteem?
Is This Low Self-Esteem?
The quest for validation often stems from a place of vulnerability, a whisper of self-doubt. It’s a mirror reflecting our insecurities, our fears of not being enough. But it’s also a stepping stone, a path to self-discovery and self-love. It’s about turning the mirror inwards, seeking validation from the self, and learning to be our own cheerleader. It’s a journey of embracing our flaws, our uniqueness, and learning to love ourselves unconditionally.
Growing teeth
“It’s impossible to respect yourself until you grow teeth,” makes me ponder about the essence of self-respect. To truly respect oneself, you need to develop a bit of grit, a bit of backbone. It’s about having the courage to stand up for what you believe in, to assert your values and protect your worth.
it’s impossible to respect yourself until you grow teeth
This makes me wonder, does our quest for approval, our longing for external validation, stem from a lack of self-respect?
When we don’t respect ourselves enough, do we end up seeking recognition from others to fill that void, to give us a sense of worth that we struggle to find within ourselves? It’s about finding the strength within, to know our worth, to assert our boundaries, and not let the opinions of others dictate our value.
Reflection point:
Reflecting on a moment of personal vulnerability, I recall a time when, in hindsight, my sense of self-respect was profoundly tested. I found myself in a project that, to say the least, seemed inherently flawed, a venture that was riddled with inconsistencies and inefficiencies.
The tasks thrusted onto me, with little choice, were menial and inconsequential - the project itself was teetering on the brink due to malfunctioning platforms, missing data and poor leadership.
I was suffering in silence, wrestling with the relentless challenges and the overwhelming pressure.
Is a man who suffers in silence, a weak man? … a man devoid of self-respect?
It was in this depth of struggle that I felt compelled to break the chains of silence. It was crucial for the senior leadership team to be cognisant of the relentless struggles and the myriad of challenges that my team and I were confronting.
It was a defining moment, a crossroad where maintaining self-respect meant voicing the unspoken, where the silent endurance had to give way to vocal resilience. It was a journey of reclaiming my self-respect, of asserting my worth and my voice in the face of overwhelming adversity.
Not being validated?
The absence of validation can be a silent tormentor, a shadow of unfulfillment and rejection. It’s like a story left untold. It can lead to a spiral of negative emotions, a dance with depression and despair. But it’s also a call for change, a wake-up call to seek validation from within, to climb our own mountains, and to be the authors of our own stories. It’s about finding light in the darkness and discovering our own worth.
Are you a People Pleaser?
The role of a people pleaser is a mask, a façade built on the sands of external validation. It’s a relentless pursuit of approval, a journey marked by the footsteps of others. But it’s also an opportunity to reflect, to peel away the layers and discover the true self. It’s about learning to please the self and to find joy in our own company. It’s a path to self-love, self-respect, and inner peace.
Personal Responsibility
Building a Personal Brand is About Self-Respect
Crafting a personal brand is, in my opinion, a blend of self-respect and authenticity. It’s about infusing greatness into our core, about being the architects of our own destiny.
When we harbour self-respect, the need for external validation fades into the background. We become the validators of our journey, the curators of our story.
When we harbour self-respect, the need for external validation fades into the background. We become the validators of our journey, the curators of our story. It’s about holding ourselves accountable, about seeking validation from the self, and about being the beacon of our own greatness.
Closing remarks:
Seeking validation is not about the applause of the world - it’s a journey marked by self-reflection, self-love, and self-respect. It’s about climbing our own mountains, and about being the beacon of our own greatness. It’s a path well worth walking, for it leads to the discovery of our true selves and the realisation of our boundless potential.
I try as much as i can to never doubt myself and i have this belief that i am special in a sense that my uniqueness and my abilities will help me navigate the world. Self love and care has been vital in avoiding to seek validation from others which is short lived as well.